Sunday, January 29, 2017

House of Cards

It’s at stake again, it’s dangerous again
So bad why, we are, yeah
To withstand it more, to sustain it more
So hard (hard), it can’t
 
Even if I knew already
I can’t stop
No way, no way, no way i fall
 
As time passes
It just becomes more ruined
No way, no way it’s collapsing again ah
 
A house made of cards, and us, inside
Even though the end is visible, even if it’s going to collapse soon
A house made of cards, we’re like idiots
Even if it’s a vain dream, stay like this a little more
 
As if there’s no such thing as tomorrow
As if there’s no such thing as a “next time”
Right now, in front of my eyes, everything without you
Is a terribly pitch-black darkness
I say it like a habit
We won’t work in the end
Even so, I keep hoping
As long as I’m with you in the end as well, I’m okay
 
Even if I knew already
I can’t stop
No way, no way, no way I fall
 
As time passes
It just becomes more ruined
No way, no way, no way its collapsing again ah
 
A house made of cards, and us, inside
Even though the end is visible, even if it’s going to collapse soon
A house made of cards, we’re like idiots
Even if it’s a vain dream, stay like this a little more
 
Slow down the time
Please stay for a little more oh
 
Please Baby Calm down
Just a little more
 
More precarious more dangerous
we are so bad (so bad) yeah
To endure to support more
So hard as it falls again ah
 
A house made of cards, and us, inside
Even though the end is visible, even if it’s going to collapse soon
A house made of cards, we’re like idiots
Even if it’s a vain dream, stay like this a little more

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Emotionally unstable state

its emo time.huahua
yesterday..was a very very very bad day i guess.
for a long time i didnt feel it...but it came..
im feeling the "loser" syndrome..no, loser feeling.
kinda hate hate hate that feeling :(

when love say hai to you..you neglected it. but when it didnt you were waiting for it.
aigoooooooo
what can i say anyway...........
due to bad experiences before, im in precaution mode every time when im dealing with this so-called love thingy.
so right now im not sure whether i can love or im in love or i didnt love..haha kesian kan
sad truth -_____-

i just hope everyone i cherish to be happy wherever they are.just that.
its okay if im the one that getting hurt..im already used to it..so no worries.
but,
what worries me the most is when the person that kind to me is getting hurt.
i cant afford that. huhu
im so so so sorry. i pray for the happiness always.

i cant be greedy to tell them to wait for me right?
it was such a nonsense.
i pray for the best. for them to be happy.
i didnt believe myself..i didnt believe i can fell in love again. i will reject love at any cost. i will deny. i will tell im not. i will put a higher wall to protect my pity little heart.
i dont want to be in heart broken mode again,
never never never.
thats why im giving up to play with love again.

but you know..
you can fools the brain but not the heart.
sometimes your brain tells you that you're okay, but deep inside your heart, its crying.
haha ironic.
i think my brain and heart need to discuss and be in sync at any cost.
so i'll not suffer.
cant they? :(


so yesterday the rain was heavily poured down.
haha
somehow im mad at myself..for being..too neutral.
what is neutral anyway?
neutral is a condition when my heart is at rest..it didnt beats any faster or slower when meeting a man. haha.
so what comes, if its good, then i'll be extra good. if not, so there is nothing to worry. just let it go.
but this neutral state like i said above make myself confused.
i dont know whether to like or dislike someone that approaches me.
my solution is..when they are good, im just as good. when they are not, then let me leave.haha

ottokaji?
this emotional unstable makes me feel like a loser.
loser...bigbang song.heh
im kinda hate that feeling very much.
grrrrrrrrr.

i can live by the people im with right now.
its okay.
maybe Allah takes back what He lends me before.
thank you Allah for all the happiness.
this short happiness i received were a great memories.
but sadly it turns out to be a nightmare :(
im sorry.
sorry seems to be the hardest word.
cecee nak nyanyi pulak.

the conclusion is, i will not run back to what broke me.
never.
ever.
insyaAllah.
maybe there is a hikmah..blessings in disguise.
senyum.
:)