Saturday, November 26, 2016

When you think you already loss all the hopes,,,


What value left is there
in this world I live in?
I start thinking its all meaningless
or maybe I’m just tired? in exchange for something I got
but it’s not such a peaceful world
i gave up a number of precious things that I can lament each and every one.
what kind of hopes should I take with me as I go forward?
what kind of dreams should I envision? these seemingly impossible to answer questions
you’d probably say I was being “gloomy” and have a laugh.
get buried in my day to day life. if you were here I wonder what you would say?
that can never be caught
i just wish i could see your gentle smile to blow away my melancholy. even if it’s a light like fireworks
I wonder to what extent we can love a world
one more time, one more time, one more time, one more time I want to reach out for it. we all carry sadness with us but we hope for a better tomorrow
Yet oddly enough, I hate more how skillfully I can pretend.
gripped by fear, thrown into unrest? I get choked up on the words ’cause I think too much I hate how clumsy I am whether we spend the years laughing or crying time passes the same for all
one more time, one more time, one more time, one more time
the future is calling to us are you, now, hearing it too? even though we knew from the start that we’d eventually have to say goodbye and as many times as I can I hope to see you again.
I wish my heart flowed fast and smooth like water
I never imagined that simply meeting you could make the world seem so beautiful would you laugh at me for being simple minded? I want to say “thank you” to you from my heart. so that it would not settle in one place.
but we hope for a better tomorrow
for all those times when I need to see you for those times when I’ll miss you so one more time, one more time, one more time, one more time I want to burn your memory deep in me. we all have our problems I wonder to what extent we can love a world
one more time, one more time…
gripped by fear, thrown into unrest?
one more time, one more time...


-code blue-

Monday, November 14, 2016

the vigorous me.

Aloha viewers!

Bajet byk sgt visitors haa...hahaha ngeng.
okay im here at this time..guess what im doing?
..................................
........................................
..............................................

okay times up.haha.
im writing my thesis. omgggggggg. can you believe it? i also had difficulties to believe.kekekeke
this determination desire is running vigorously in my blood now..and hopefully it will run until the end. insyaAllah.
my target to submit at the end of this year..do pray for me too keh? kamsahamida. ^^

what can i say..less than two months i'll become 26..ottokkajo..so fast the time is running. huahua~
so thats why..im wondering..what have i done to the 25years and 10months as im living until now?hmmmmmmm

i'd decided to let go everything that make my heart and mind and soul go awry. no point to get stress with them anyway. this life is short you know. i want to enjoy living it to the max as i can. so here i am..lets be a better fadzilah indeed.muahaha.

i want to become better than before.
i want to be someone that is helpful.
i want to spread the smile and happiness to others.
i want to live peacefully.
and lastly..
i want my life ended with smile on my face..where when i meet Allah, He will smile beautifully to me too. hopefully. insyaAllah. aamiin.

Saturday, October 22, 2016

A person like tears...

I miss you my love, a person like my tears
Though it flows endlessly, I miss you once again
You live in my eyes and inside my heart
If only I can hold you once again
I miss you my love, my love, can’t you turn around and look at me?
I call out to you till my lips are chapped but it doesn’t reach you
Wherever you are, I will go search for you
Even when the day I stop breathing comes, I will wait for you
I want to love you again, my love, whom I miss crazily
My love
I look at you, my love, though I can’t touch you
I painfully look at that face, at those eyes
The only person who embraced my tears and my scars
In this world, it’s you alone
I miss you my love, my love, can’t you turn around and look at me?
I call out to you till my lips are chapped but it doesn’t reach you
Wherever you are, I will go search for you
Even when the day I stop breathing comes, I will wait for you
I want to love you again, I miss you crazily
Like the wind, I will be by your side
Though you can’t see me, I will protect you forever
I love you, I love you – I call out to you till my heart bursts, can’t you hear me?
Wherever you are, I will go search for you
Even when the day I stop breathing comes, I will wait for you
I want to love you again, my love, whom I miss crazily

- changmin -



I miss you my love...auwwwww haha ngeng!

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

A sunNy day

I’ll let you go now – I promise and try but only tears fall
The streets are filled with images of you, it overflows
It’s a sunny day so without knowing, I go out to the streets
It’s been a while, how are you doing these days?
How is life these days? Your shy smile is still the same
I’m still right here but tears rise up
Again today, I get ready for a coincidence
I wait as I long for you, I long for you
I have let you go now – I say it and try to deceive myself but once again, only tears fall
The sunshine is filled with your scent, it overflows
The sky is so pretty that without knowing, I go out to the streets
It’s been a while, how are you doing these days?
How is life these days? Your bright smile is still the same
I’m still right here but tears rise up
Again today, I’m waiting for you
It’s been a while, how are you doing these days?
I’m living like this – your bright face looking at me is still the same
I’m still right here and I still love you
Again today, I get ready for a coincidence
I’m waiting for you, I love you, I love you

-jaejoong-

Tuesday, August 30, 2016

You Only Love

You only love my one and only love
Which I can't give up

You only love Undescriable you
Speak of farewells


You're just tired of the sadness, right
Can't you hear anything


You only love (my only love) 
I can't never give up (I can never know)
Is separation your choice

You only love, You're my everything
You only love my life


You're just tired of the sadness, right
Can't you hear anything


You only love (my only love) 
I can't never give up (I can never know)
Is separation your choice

You only love, You're my everything
You only love my life


Love is only a short happiness
It's the frustration (Just only everyday)
That comes in a bigger form that tires me
(Just only wonder my everything)

The days that even became familiar with frustration
Is holding you and crying
In Your Eyes


You only love (my only love) 
I can't never give up (I can never know)
Is separation your choice

You only love, You're my everything
You only love my life


You only love my life.



-dbsk-

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Because Im Weary

The old and aged story called “dream” now knocks on my heart..
The familiar scenery that’s too far away to be touched
because I`m weary cause I`m weary
because I`m weary cause I`m weary
Among the clingy world that’s walled out
I plug my ears and sing the song from my childhood
Within the memory of forest that has no start or end
Then I soothe my bruised heart from wandering in the forest
because I`m weary cause I`m weary
Today, another hard day…
The unexpected sound of thumping heart
The thump that can’t be forgotten even if I frown my face
Because I love you, cause I love you
Because I love you, cause I love you
Once the cold wind touches the heart
The unforgettable events covers my eyes
Naïve heart, the night full of trouble and on top of the lines
I’m gasping for breath as I wipe the sweat
Because I love you, cause I love you

-Ernest-

Monday, August 8, 2016

From me to me.

Assalamualaikum.

alooohaaaaaaaaaaaaa. long time no see right.
bajet.
haha.
lets start mpek. shijang!

what im gonna say..hmmm..lately..being all mental breakdown..due to..due to..due to what anyway?hmm......thinking.......dont know..maybe some sort of mental disorder in my brain.haha adess.
this 2016..im such a brat. im doing nothing..nothing for my future. meaning i'd spent my whole year until now by pampered myself.huuu. the time flies and im here didnt improving myself.mmg nk kne dush3 kn..-_____-

i dont know too whats in my mind...i just know that i would like doing nothing. nothing nothing. just spent the time recklessly..ottokaji...dlm dunia yg serba moden org tgh brlumba2 jd yg trbaik ni..but here i am just stay stupid.dush3. anyone can boost up my motivation..you are welcome here.

deppression makes me to eat a lot. compare to when im happy. terbalik kan. ade pepatah ni.."org bahagia susah kurusnyaa.." but im different. im vice versa from that. if im happy..although my stomach makes such a pop rock sound craving for food..i can bear to not eat anything. just the happy feeling itself can make me full..haha..poyoss kan. kahkahkah. but im sad..every food that i stuffed into my mouth is not enough.huhu. but luckily it is not that serious until i gained weight for it.haha. lepas makan dia hadam..pastu makan balik hdam makan makan hadam makan putaq2 gitu laa..

so my current mood  now is...laziness overload sometimes that i slapped myself to come back to my senses haha bgong je kn..tapi itulah realiti. where is the hardworking me...the diligent me...the great me...????

note to myself::::

you are already old enough to spent your time leisurely without doing anything. you have responsibilities to do. you already grown up fine and well..lets becoming someone that is great.. and help others as much as you can. there are many helpless out there that need something that you can contribute to them. life is short, live it wisely. i know that you didnt have so much these days..but just hang on okay. Allah knows the best. just doing your best to become the best. Allah has created you in this world for a purpose..if not..you will not born. so, gather up your soul and lets live to the max. cut off some sleep..you already slept too much these days (too much sleep is one of the signs for depression.because the dreams from sleeping are much more happier than the reality?) let use the time by doing something that benefits which can improve you day by day. i know sometimes you think you are a loser...but what can we do..just hang on and get out from the shell of darkness..woahhhh. please myself..come back to your senses and lets live.

sincere,
me. 

Monday, May 23, 2016

Blossom tears

The goodbye trickles down your cheeks like blood
Your lips asking why is so sad
No, don’t come, don’t make that face
Just pass me by 

The countless words of love that we’re whispered
Our promises that are breaking instantly
No, this is a dream, your eyes are telling me
Just hug me again
I loved you, I cared for you, that’s it
I loved you but now I hate you,
that’s the one reason
You think I don’t know you?
You’re lying right now
You still love me, you’re still the same
I don’t love you
He love me, he loves me not
I pick the flower petals as I endlessly cry
The flower petals drench my feet
Each petal that has fallen
Seems like us, making my heart ache
Why did we have to break up?
I loved you, I cared for you, that’s it
(Don’t say that)
I loved you but now I hate you,
that’s the one reason
You think I don’t know you? You’re lying right now
You still love me, you’re still the same
I was lonely every day
From protecting you
I’m sorry for the painful times
I won’t lose you again
Come into my arms now
I love you, I love you, that’s it
Even if my blackened and burned a heart explodes
I’ll stay here now
Because I have so much to do for you
Because there’s so much I owe you
Because I’m so thankful
Let’s (Let’snot grow apart (not grow apart)

-Leo-

Friday, April 29, 2016

Blog's renovation


Assalamualaikum.
hye hye hyep.
taradaaaaa the blog has song laaa..wowwww daebak!
happy listening everyone.
the song is my fav song and fav singer too.wink2
haha
Alhamdulillah..finally..i can put the song after long time craving for it.muaha.

you know, the thought beginning of this blog was because i just thought that myb someday i might loss all my memory then i'll read this blog to reminisce the memories.
(tp klo dh hilg ingtn mn nk ingt bkk blog ni ye dak?hmmm)
dont know too what im thinking that time.
huahua
but somehow this blog helps me in many way.
sometimes when we want to say something but we just cant..so here i am mpek kat sni.kahkahkah.
im just thankful.

this life is short, dont spend it with sorrow so much okay?
lets be as happy as we can and spread the happiness.
and
smile too.
 ^^

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

:: You Are My Everything ::

It was you from the start
The one person who would come to me
Even with just one encounter
My eyes told me
I hope this isn’t something
That just passes by like the wind
Like a fool, I couldn’t tell you first
I couldn’t do it
You Are My Everything
In the fate that falls like the stars
I met a person like you
Inside my stopped heart
There is only one love
You Are My Everything
Your color is white
As you bloom inside the fog
In just one moment, my heart stopped
As you came to me
You Are My Everything
In the fate that falls like the stars
I met a person like you
Inside my stopped heart
There is only one love
You Are My Everything
My love couldn’t even start before
But now I can say it
It’s a miracle that no one else can have
You Are My Everything
My passionate love is you
Even when the seasons change, I’ll be here
Inside my stopped heart
There is only one love
You Are My Everything
-Gummy-
this song is my theme song now.haha..ottokaji.
in my psm thesis for the acknowledgement..i just wrote.."to my everything".. also its only short sentences but the meaning is deep. now the song came in. here it is..to be my theme song.
whenever where ever you are..i'll always love you. i pray to Allah to take care of you.yes..i ask everything related about you to Allah. may Allah bless the love He given to me 2 years and 4 months back..and until now insyaAllah..may all the love under His blessings.
im wishing you are in a state of good health, happiness and cheerful. aamiin.
for now, i just can pray. when i miss you, i pray. when i wanted to disturb you haha, i pray. when im craving to see you, i pray.
and from now onward, i'll always pray to Allah for you to be happy whenever you are.
with just that prayers, im happy.
Alhamdulillah.

Friday, March 25, 2016

If I hold onto you, it hurts

I couldn’t help it so I threw it all out
I erased all of my emotions
But I couldn’t erase you (let me free)
Because my heart was too sad (let me breathe)
I just need to live like this, I just need to breathe
I just need to be alive, why can’t I?
I said it’s okay (let me free)
This is better for me (let me breathe) oh
I was afraid that I’d get cut by your sharp, knife-like words
I just need to breathe and eat to endure through this
I was a coward, I wanted to endure through
I’m holding my heart in my hand
I chose a life that is for me
I don’t want to let go of myself
I don’t want to ruin myself anymore
Memories that aren’t ending even when it’s over
I have no confidence to win over it
Love, in the end
Is a lie to just one person
Now look at me forgetting you
With your eyes wide open
Don’t ever forget me
Don’t ever erase me
My heart was limping and this is the end of the road
After making that decision and taking a breath
I let out a deep sigh
I rip her up from inside my heart
As I let out a silent scream
I’m erasing the after images that are floating around
Burning up the remaining memories up to the sky, burn
I saw you again, I cried
Something went terribly wrong
My heart is still remembering (let me free)
Everything was the same (let me breathe)
There’s nowhere to run from you
If I hold onto you, it hurts
But if I let you go, it hurts even more
This place is deeper than a dream inside a dream
I have no confidence to escape from it
Saying that I’ll forget you
Is all a lie that remains in me
Your face spreads throughout my heart again
It hurts even more than before
I think I miss you even more
I think it’s even more dangerous

Error by Vixx.
nomu nomu nomu nomu chukaheyo.
^_______^

Thursday, March 24, 2016

Im jUst DiffereNt

I’m just different
I’m just different
Don’t expect kindness
I’m Angel and Demon
Misunderstanding can be harmful
Even if you’re lonely because of me
Try to understand baby
I want to express it but it’s not easy.

I shot a gun at your heart, I’m selfish.
That’s right, I’m a bad guy.
Even if you try to place a period in our future
there’s only a comma because of me.
Please stay.
Don’t leave me
My feelings are like yours
I’m for real love ya
When you and I kiss, that’s all I am.
I tell you to keep a distance.
Even when you come into my arms,
I don’t hug you back.
You keep asking if I’m joking and what our relationship means
You ask me if I don’t love you.
That’s not how I feel

I’m just different
I’m different from the type of guy you want
I’m just different
I can’t be a nice guy
You might be hurt because of me
I’m just different
But please don’t leave me
even if I’m a bad guy.

Even if time passes, the distance between us won’t decrease
No matter how much you say you understand me.
I see you holding back your tears and smiling
I know
I can’t do anything about my heart
I know this is how you and I will be forever.
I just want to be next to you.
I’m selfish.

But please don’t leave me.
I’m only different from the guy you expect.
Stop being in an illusion
From the day we first met, I wore a mask over my face.
Emotions empty as a crushed can,
don’t touch me, you’ll only be hurt by my sharp words
No matter how much you cry and ask me where I was last night
I’ll look straight into your eyes and lie.
Even if you try to melt me down, I’ll only act colder to you.
I’ll hurt you with the same mistakes and scars, like it’s nothing.

I’m just different
I’m different from the type of guy you want
I’m just different
But please don’t leave me.
Even if I’m a bad guy like this,
even if I get colder, don’t ever lose you warmth.
I’ll never let you go
I’ll stay the same oh

I’m just different
I’m different from the type of guy you want
I’m just different
But please don’t leave me,
even if I’m a bad guy like this.
I’m just different
I’m just different
I’m just different


Different by Winner.
daebak lyrics.

Saturday, March 5, 2016

my cRazy L0vE

hahahaahahahahahahahahahaha
post sawan.
smlm...smlm..smlm..smlm...terjumpaa....omgggggggggggggggggggggggggg!

the meeting made me lack of sleep during the night.adess.
drpd lapa terus kenyang.tp perut bunyi suh isi.ayoyooo.
tp pk secara baik..ade hikmah disebalik setiap takdir Allah tu kan.
tp leh senyum sorg2..pk pny pk malu pun ade haha
my heart is still struggling.
Alhamdulillah. thank you Allah for making me smile.


he smile, and i smile.

video

Friday, March 4, 2016

Je ireumeun fadzilah imnida

Assalamualaikum.

aloha aloha aloha.
haippp byk swg nye blog ni..lme tggl kn.hahaha poyos.

okay lets started.mepek time.

hmmm.nothing to write actually..thats why mepek time. exercise time for my fingers before doing something beneficial. im going to do the analysis for the data collected for my projects..so skrg moh kt mpek dlu.muaha.

life...the few days of my life were meaningless. seems like i already lost somewhere. where? dont know. so now im going to get back on the track. please pray for me please.huuuu

new aim, new determination..wanna be the best that i can be. maklumla hdup ni kn skjp je..so jgn sia-siakn. i wanna be someone that is great. bkn stkt bse2 je..insyaAllah dgn izinNya. do pray for me keh. lets do the things right and with full motivations. put aside all the null thoughts. haha..you know lately i got this strange thoughts. dush3. buang2 jauh!

ahaa! lately giless infinite..haha..mmg ske infinite dr dlu ske tp skrg hr2 wajib tgk infinite sblm tdo..kuang2. smpi hoya, L, sungkyu, woohyun leh msuk mmp.haa hbt x hbt tu kekekeke..xleh blah kn.love them damn much.huahua. hopefully to get someone as handsome as L, as witty as hoya and as loving and cute as woohyun..to love me as i am.hahaha *pengsan kalau dapat* :D

sooooooooo, to boast up the meaning of my life that been abandoned for this time..lets get back fadzilah! dont waste any time more keh. we should be great not vice versa. anggerey? okay chuaheyo. ^^

its never too late to return back or make uturn from the past that hurt you. as you live, there are many times we stumble and fall, so if you fall then gather the strength back and become strong okayh?!

wish myself all the best. you are just beautiful and great as you as. and lets become one. peace!


OnLy teaRs

I love you. I’m sorry
But i can’t do this anymore
I don’t even have the right to get close to you
Don’t love me
I don’t have the ease of being able to give you my heart
I live every day beyond my strength
Each day is too much so i cry
Oh, i.. I don’t have anything i can give you
(but i’m) missing you
I can’t even give you loving words
But i’m missing you
I can’t even boldly wish for you to be mine
But i’m missing you
So i push you away
Because i’m a guy who has nothing but his own heart
I’m holding back, even though it hurts
Even tears are a luxury for me
I don’t even have the right to look at you
Don’t look at me
I know that my heart is wherever you are
Close enough our breaths can touch
Always in that same place
Oh, i… i don’t have anything i can give you
(but i’m) missing you
I can’t even give you loving words
But i’m missing you
I can’t even boldly wish for you to be mine
But i’m missing you
So i push you away
More than anyone else in this world
I love you, so i hold back
Oh i… i can’t hold your hand
But i’m missing you
I’m worried i might just have my tears to hold
So i’m missing you
I can’t tell you to stay with me
But i’m missing you
So it’s too much, but in the end
It’s because i’m a man who has nothing but his own heart

-infinite: Only Tears-

Sunday, January 17, 2016

My Adik's wed

Assalamualaikum.
im here..lalalala..smntra nk amik mood tulis journal jom kt mpek skjap.
wednye dh lme..tp bru ade ms nk post.
biannn.haha
my adk's wed with his soulmate.
hr tu ptutnya knduri kat kota..tp sbb clash ade knduri kat prk gk..jd jd jd request special pi blh lg stu. 
nk habaq sorg pu xknai laa...hagagaga..
kenal rezan jela..haha xpe jnji slmt smpi Alhamdulillah.
may happiness surrounds ahead.insyaAllah aamiin.
anak buahh lg nnt..byknye..heh




nh ms tgh smpi tu rezan duk trconggok dpn pntu gini..mgkn tghkne tol haha
a part of beautiful thing kat jhor ni..klo bride dia org jhor gk..so phk llki akn dknekn tol. that sort of toll a part of tradition myb here in johor. 
klo xnk buat pun xpe.heh
time ika ritu xde bt pun..slmt je smua dh msg2 dgn jodoh dariNya.
Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.


As for me..i'll put aside first this man things haha..
byk bnda lain nk fikir+focus dlu oiiiii
masa depan, career, improve diri utk jd anak yg trbaik utk ibu ayah dlu.insyaAllah doa slalu dpt kurniakn anak baru utk ibu ayah.anak yg baik.haha
insyaAllah smpi masa..my big day will come..and that day myb i'll cry happily and cheerfully..hahahaha...psycho!