Wednesday, May 3, 2017

aLwAys..always be.

When I wrote the song, I decided not to release the song. I thought the status described in the lyrics would go forever. So, (I’m) blaming others. Not others, but the world. I thought my status would be the same and I would not release the song. The reason why I released this song is because I no longer feel like the one (the character) in the lyrics. That’s why I was able to release the song. Many fans felt sad about it. However, by releasing the song, it was like saying bye to myself. To myself who had been sad in 2016 and 2015. That’s how I felt.
… After a series of the incidents that were ugly, I had a lot of thoughts. I did, in the beginning, when others talked about me in a criticizing way, rather, when others gave me unfavorable feedbacks or advice. It could be criticism, it could be condemnation. When I heard so, I felt like this in the beginning, “Why? I did it for a reason” Because I thought I have been like this. I thought I’ve never caused any trouble or inconvenience to others. I’ve never thought that way. Because I studied hard when I was young, I worked hard on music, I performed hard. I liked playing games. That’s what consisted of my life. At school, I was an obedient student, I did well at school so teachers liked me. I never fought with classmates and I was around with friends. I’ve never thought that my behaviors or my music or words could hurt others or inconvenience toward others. I never thought about it that way.
As I went through the year of 2016, I came to think about that. My words or my behaviors, regardless of my intentions, could cause troubles and hurt others' feelings. In the process, I thought I need to hold responsibility for that and I need to think about such things. What I said or did would not be undone, I thought so. Then I learned how to admit myself. It was hard to admit that I could hurt others' feelings. It took a long time. It was hard because I’ve never felt that way. Now, I feel much better about my feelings and emotions. Now, when I hear something about me, even if it’s criticism or condemnation, I am able to think about what made them say so. “What did I do wrong? What did I cause others to feel uncomfortable? What made them criticize me?” I am now able to think like that. For now, I can’t talk about what was changed in detail. Still, I may have another chance to talk about it later.
That’s why I was able to release “Always”. The lyrics are very defensive. I wrote the lyrics a year ago or so when I felt stressed. I am now able to release it because I no longer feel that way.

-Rapmon feelings for "Always" song. sad sad so sad. Its like my feelings..we are same rpmon haha..thankyou. lets admit if we are wrong and accept the goods one to improve ourselves. but dont be so rude, because i can be more than that. haha. adiossaaa~

One morning, I opened my eyes
And wished I was dead
I want someone to kill me
In this loud silence
I live to understand the world
But the world has never understood me, why
No, that half is missing
It's trying to hurt me...

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